A reminder: I am not a child psychologist – or a psychologist for grownups. What you’re getting here are opinions and ideas.

Just wanted to say that before I tell you I think you should get a divorce.

My parents got divorced when I was a pre-teen. Did it mess me up? Break my consistent home life? Teach me that no relationship can be permanent? Maybe. But I would say I already knew I was living in a tense home, and that as much as it did some of those negative things, it also let me breathe a big sigh of relief.

Even when my parents weren’t fighting, I could sense my mother’s “personal void” from a mile away. That’s what made me stressed and sad.

The divorce taught me a great lesson – that I was allowed to make changes if I became unhappy. Would you want your own child to sit in a relationship that feels this way? You’d probably tell them to prioritize themselves and find a new path. I think people can learn so much about their own worth by watching parents figure out how to make a better life for themselves.

Keep in mind, my parents got divorced decades ago, when less people were separating and talking about it with ease. There’s information and support that didn’t exist back then. Your children would not be the only kids on the block with parents in different homes.

I am not your kids, and I don’t know what they notice or how they’d take any of this. Regardless, you can show them they come first (the most important thing) and find a better life at the same time.

Consider going back to therapy with your husband, this time to get on the same page about a new arrangement.

– Meredith

Readers? Your take? Thoughts? Can you share your experiences on any side of this?