Another man picked up the phone

Thursday | November 30, 2023

Love Letters Marriage

Another man picked up the phone

I’m seeking letters about dating app fatigue, how friendships and social groups change as romantic relationships grow … and, of course, all of the problems about getting over breakups. What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Submit an anonymous letter here or email [email protected].

Also, work conferences are back, I guess. Our second work conference letter in a month.

My wife was as at a work conference. I called her in the early morning to say hello, but this time a strange man answered. Probably picked up the wrong iPhone. Quickly hung up.

My wife denied any wrongdoing profusely, but finally admitted they were friends and just wanted to continue to work gossip in her room and passed out after drinking in the hotel bar. She admitted to a terrible decision and feels awful and is adamant nothing happened.

I so want to believe her and not end 20 years of marriage. Am I being a fool?

– Who’s there?

If you have a good marriage, work on it. There is no rule that says a bad decision has to result in divorce. This is about trust, forgiveness, and what your relationship is like outside of this incident. The fact that this behavior shocked you is probably a good sign. I assume this is very out of character for her.

The thing is, even if there was no physical infidelity, you still feel betrayed. The shock caused by that voice on the other end of the line isn’t going away anytime soon. She seems to understand this, so that’s a start.

Let her know it could take you a bit to get over the discomfort. You might seem tentative or distant for some time. It’s not about punishing her or shutting her out; it’s more about getting back to your routine and remembering that on every other day, you get along well and feel confident about the relationship (assuming that’s the case).

If this feels like a blip, it probably is. One weird night is not a pattern. Again, if you don’t want to leave the marriage, no one is asking you to.

– Meredith

Readers, do you believe this story? How would you get over this incident? Any suggestions for letting go after this kind of event?

Cheating It happened on vacation Marriage Office

Featured Comment

I don’t believe your wife is telling you the whole truth. Did she confess to having feelings? No married woman is going to allow a male colleague into her room, much less pass out in it after drinking. If this is out-of-character for her and you want to restore trust in your marriage, she will need to be 100% honest about what happened, and you will have to forgive her. This is a perfect opportunity for marriage counseling with a professional who can help you navigate it all.

penseuse Share Thoughts