I ran into him holding hands with another woman
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Q.
I was in a relationship with a man for about three months before he ended it via text. He said he was overwhelmed with work, going to school, taking care of his daughter, and dealing with a health condition. We did talk on the phone later that same day, and during that conversation he apologized profusely and asked to be friends. I said no because I know myself well enough to understand that even with space and time, I would harbor hope that we could reunite if I became his friend. He was upset that I wouldn’t be in his life, but he accepted it and we said our goodbyes.
Days later, I ran into him holding hands with another woman. His daughter was also there. He’s fiercely protective of her and won’t introduce just anyone to her, so my guess is that the woman was someone already in his life or an old flame he reconnected with. I was devastated and basically ran away crying. It’s been days and I’ve barely ate, drank, or slept.
When I told my friends what happened, they were kind and supportive. However one friend brought up the possibility that he may have cheated on me and that’s why he rebounded so quickly. This idea hadn’t crossed my mind before and it made me feel even worse.
My question is this: is it worth it to reach out to him to ask who the new woman is? Would it bring me closure to hear if he cheated or not? I just feel awful about the entire situation and feeling like I don’t know the whole truth is driving me mad.
– Worse
You can reach out and ask for more information, but I’m not sure it’ll give you closure. If he tells you he reconnected with an old flame, would you believe him? At the moment, you don’t have a lot of trust – for good reason.
I’m in the “what does it matter?” camp here. Maybe he was cheating. Or perhaps this was a great love from five years ago. Is the end result any different? Either way, he was with someone else that day, and it was devastating to see. In both scenarios it helps to know you’re already moving on, and that you did the right thing by rejecting friendship.
I’m sure a lot of people here will tell you not to reach out – and that’s my advice too. But we’re not you, and if your gut tells you to text for details, I can’t be sure it would set you back. Maybe hearing him scramble for excuses would help you get to the next step and think, “Wow, this is for the best.” Maybe he wouldn’t respond, and that would be a different kind of answer.
Regardless, my recommendation is to give yourself two weeks to see friends, talk about other things, and plan some events to look forward to. If making that call still seems important after you’ve had some time, you can reassess. For now, let it sit.
– Meredith
Readers? Worth reaching out? Anything to learn here? What about the breakup by text?
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