First, get a door lock. You’re allowed to have some boundaries, and most 14-year-olds I know do not want to walk in on the wrong thing. 

Second, consider leaving your kid home alone or under the supervision of a babysitter of some kind. Child care is an expense, but for a special night out, it can be wonderful for everyone. Your daughter should know that people in a family can separate for a night. Show her it’s part of a new healthy routine.

Third, host a sleepover. She might want nothing to do with you for 12 hours if she has a friend in her own room.

Those are my practical solutions, with the reminder/disclaimer that I have no knowledge about parenting, no experiences of my own.

As a Love Letters columnist, I would say there’s an extra layer to this question – about how the new living arrangement might affect your relationship long-term. You and your boyfriend could benefit from having a big talk about what parts of your private routine you need to preserve. How much alone time do you require? What’s possible?

It’s wonderful that your boyfriend is so open to this arrangement, but how does he feel now that your daughter is there? What are the unanticipated highs and lows? You can ask him for an honest assessment. It might help you strategize about how to be great to a teen without forgetting each other.

There’s also family therapy, so you can check into that with insurance, etc. You can ask school and doctors for counseling suggestions. It’s all about finding the right services for help.

– Meredith