Two years ago I met someone on a dating app. He set up a date and then I declined as I felt I wasn’t ready. We didn’t speak for more than a year and I thought it was done. 

In February of this year, I get a text from a unknown number. It read, “Hi, how are you?” I replied, “I don’t know who this is.” We started talking and went on a date. A few weeks down the line, we hooked up. Whenever we were together I asked if he was dating other people and he denied it. However, there was a woman who would call him every time we were together. He would lie and say it was someone he was helping with immigration stuff. 

In the summer, I confronted him about this woman again. He was making it seem like I was crazy, and that nothing was happening. Finally he told me everything. He shared that he’s been dating her for two years and that he feels an obligation to her because he promised to care for her. She barely has family here. He says he loves me like he’s never loved anyone in his life. 

We stopped talking, but he keeps coming back. Last week, after no contact for three weeks, he sent me a text. He wanted to talk and said he really needed to me to listen to him. He told me she’s pregnant. Now he’s afraid, depressed, and says that he needs me to be there to support him through this. I know that there is no future for us; I wouldn’t want someone with this character to be a partner of mine. But, emotionally, why am I so hung up on him? We talk for hours about anything and everything. We’ve developed a bond. I know this unreal but how can I get over this?

– Two years