Can I follow them on social media?
Hey, former letter writers – yeah, you. Can you send us an update? How did it all work out after your letter ran? Do you have the same problem? A new one? Send an update to [email protected] with “update” in the subject line.
Also, I would very much love new letters; I have Covid at the moment (mild today) and need problems to read and ponder. I’ll be in my pajamas, considering your issues, so let’s chat. Send your own question about your relationship life to [email protected] or use this easy, anonymous form.
Q.
I’ve been using dating apps for some time and haven’t had much luck. However, I did have one connection that came close to a first date. Of course, at the last minute my match decided they couldn’t make it and said how they were “so sorry.”
Prior to the date that never happened, we had some pretty good back and forth. We went into our personal lives and so on; it seemed like it would have been a great match.
After the last-minute rejection, they would go on to ghost and never be heard from again. I really feel like this was a big miss, but I don’t want to pressure them. That being said, I found them on social media and have been debating about reaching out. Is this a really bad idea or worth the shot?
– Very Anonymous
A.
Don’t jump to social media if this person is no longer communicating on the app.
My general rule: if someone gives you access to their life outside of an app, you can accept their invitation and offer more on your end. Even if their social media accounts are public, treat them as private until you’re really on your way to knowing each other.
This person cancelled a date and chose not to reschedule. It’s possible they met someone else and decided to be exclusive with them, or maybe they’re too busy to date because of work. I wish they had given you a reason, but people don’t always explain themselves, especially to someone they’ve never met. It’s not polite, but it’s how it goes, it seems.
Maybe they’ll resurface, but let them make that choice. Don’t watch them in another location, telling them, “Hey, I see you.” Don’t reach out, expecting them to have a different answer elsewhere.
Be excited you had a nice back-and-forth and that it led to plans, even if they didn’t happen. It’s all practice for the next experience. If you’re frustrated with this particular app, find another.
Sign up for in-person singles activities, too. It might be easier to assess intentions and chemistry if you’re in the same room with someone.
– Meredith
Readers? When do you follow people from apps on social media? Before a first date? This person seems frustrated with online dating, in general. Tips for getting to a first date with more people?
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.